Let me say this: being an idiot is no box of chocolates.
讓我直說了吧：當一個智障者可不像一盒巧克力那麼甜蜜。
Nobody ever got into trouble by keeping his mouth shut.
緊閉你的嘴, 就不會惹禍上身。
People not to talk back to: 1.Your teacher; 2.1st Sergeants; 3.The police;
4.Your mama.
別對四種人頂嘴：1. 老師；2. 一級士官長；3. 警察；4.老媽。
Do not try to cut your own hair.
不要自行理髮。
Dream, but don`t quit your day job.
你可作白日夢, 但也要做白日工。
If you see a line, go stand in it. Probably can`t hurt nothing.
看到有人排隊, 就去加入行列。這樣應該會沒事。
Don`t own nothing if you can help it. If you can, even rent your shoes.
儘可能別擁有任何東西, 如果可以的話, 連你的鞋子也租給別人。
If you want to wear a hat, do it in the privacy of your own home.
你若有戴帽子的慾望, 請儘量在家裡隱密處戴。
Never trust nobody that says he never took a drink in his whole life.
別信任那種自稱這輩子沒沾過一滴酒的仁兄。
Don`t ever pick a fight with somebody that`s really ugly-looking.
別找醜八怪的碴！
If you want to be popular, do not engage in child molesting or line
dancing.
如果你做個受歡迎的人, 不要有騷擾兒童的不良行為, 也不要參加
團體排舞表演。
Always save enough money for one phone call and one use of a pay
toilet.
隨時有足夠的零錢, 以備打公用電話和上公廁的不時之需。
If you can`t sing good, sing loud.
如果你歌唱得不好, 請務必大聲唱。
Do not cry over skim milk.
記著:覆水難收!
Don`t lick nothing that sticks to your tongue.
別碰會沾上舌頭的東西。]
Keep your bullshit detector in good working order.
讓你的「屁話偵測器」隨時待命！- 要頭腦清醒,小心謊言.
If you go to the zoo, always take something to feed the animals－even if
the sings say "Do Not Feed Animals." It wasn't the animals that put
them signs up.
到動物園時, 別忘了帶些東西餵食－即使園中立著「請勿餵食」的
牌子。要知道, 這些牌子又不是動物們自己立上去的！
Try to eat something bitter every day, just so, you don`t lose your taste
for it.
每天吃點苦的東西, 這樣你才不會忘記吃苦頭的滋味。
When you think you`re so low you gotta look up to look down, beat
yourself hard on the foot with a stick for a while. at least you will feel
better when you stop.
當你感到低潮的時候, 你應該上下看一看, 再用根棍子猛力打自己
的腳一會兒, 這樣至少在停下來之後, 你會好過一些。
Always be ready to take a chance: look what it did for Rocky.
隨時要有冒險的精神：看看「洛基」, 你就會相信此言不虛。
If you are ahead, shut up and stay there.
如果你遙遙領先, 閉上鳥嘴, 繼續領先。
A lot is to be said for the word no.
學會說「不」的藝術太深奧了！
Don`t expect anybody else to help you. If they do, fine. If they don`t, file
it away.
別指望別人幫忙, 如果有人幫你最好, 沒有的話, 別放在心上！
Try not to screw up. This will satisfy a few people and amaze everybody else.
儘量別把事情搞砸, 因為會讓親者痛仇者快。
Remember this: while somebody is down there kissing your butt, they
could just as easily be biting it, too.
記住：那個拍你馬屁的人, 很可能也是扯你後腿的人。
Put Tabasco sauce on everythin` you eat: this way, you can eat very
cheap.
吃什麼都放點甜辣醬, 這樣, 就可以吃得很便宜。
Whatever you do, try to have a reason to do it.
無論做什麼事, 都要有正當的理由。
To each, his own ca-ca smells sweet－but do not be fooled by this.
每個人都覺得自己的屁香－但也別上這話的當。
Do not drink soup; it puts a lake in your stomach.
不要喝湯, 會讓你胃脹如江海。
Do not ever roll dice with a guy called "Bones."
千萬別和老千擲骰子！
You may be an idiot, but try not to be stupid.
你或許是智障, 但儘量別作傻瓜。
Do not suck your thumb－or anybody else`s, for that matter.
別吸你的大姆指－當然, 也別去吸別人的。
Wen you are born under the wrong star, it will shine upon your butt
forever－even you are seated.
要是你生來凶星來犯, 即使坐下的時候, 也能看到那顆星在你屁股
上一閃一閃亮晶晶。
Forget "Don`t get mad－get even." If you`re really mad, go ahead and
stomp that sucker flat！
別信「君子報仇, 十年不晚」那套, 若是有人真的惹毛了你, 二話
不說就去打他個稀巴爛！
If you got to pee, do not talk about it. Just do it. Might not be time later.
想尿尿時別光說不練, 否則待會就來不及了。
Do not play the piano with jelly on your fingers. Also, do not play the
saxophone with jelly in your mouth.
手指上有果凍不要去彈鋼琴, 嘴巴裡有果不要吹薩克斯風。
Always be nice to your mama.
務必要善待老媽！
Most People don`t look dumb till they start talking.
大多數的人看起來不笨, 但一開口就洩底了。
Remember this: peace of mind over piece of ass.
記住：心安理得比啥屁事都重要。
Be very supicious if somebody says they want to make a movie of your
life story.
如果有人跟你說, 要把你的一生拍成電影, 你一定要懷疑, 這是真的嗎？
Do not eat anything you do not know what it is.
不明究理的東西不要亂吃。
You got to cry, do it by yourself, and be quick about it.
你一定得哭的時候就自己來, 而且動作要快！
Be prepared to take some shit in life; just do not take more than a mouthful at a time.
隨時要有吃苦的心理準備, 但別一次吃太多。
Beware of people that put numbers after their names.
要多加提防在背後評長論短的人。
Do not park in a space that says "Reserved for Sheriff`s Deputies."
別在寫著「警長專用」的空位停車！
Do not put stock in newspapers; you can find out more just by looking around at what is going on.
不必花錢買報紙, 你只要在周圍四處看看, 就知天下事了。
Life is like a rubber band; harder you go forward, harder you snap back.
So do not make slip-ups.
人生就像條橡皮圈；你往前衝得愈猛, 反彈時的力道也就愈大, 所以說, 小心別彈出去了！
When you feel there is an unfair burden on your shoulders, that`s just the
way it is sometimes.
每當你覺得要你負責是不公平的, 你最好還是認了吧！
Always try to do the right thing, unless your conscience tells you otherwise.
務必做該做的事, 除非你的良心叫你別做。
To save energy, do not go out lookin` for trouble; chances are, it will
find you soon enough.
省省力氣, 不必出去找麻煩, 因為通常麻煩很快會自己找上們來。
A beggar is no different than you or me, except he ain`t got no
money.Always keep some spare change to give a beggar.
乞丐和你我都沒有什麼兩樣, 不同的只是他沒有錢, 記得留些零錢
在身上, 好施捨給乞丐。
Do not cuss, holler, pee, or throw up in public places or otherwise call
attention to yourself, as it will probably get you in trouble.
在公共場所不要罵三字經、大聲喧嘩、隨地便溺或嘔吐, 否則你就
要小心, 你很可能因會惹上麻煩。
Two rules: do not never paint houses or move furniture.
兩條守則：一、不要油漆房子；二、不要移動傢俱。
Whenever you can, take the train-providing you ain`t got to be nowhere
on time.
儘可能以火車為交通工具－如你不趕時間的話。
Always say "thank you," even if you don`t mean it.
即使不是真心的, 也要隨時說聲「謝謝！」
Do not make excuses unless you have to.
除非逼不得已, 不要亂找籍口。
You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but you
can also catch more flies with garbage than either of them other two-
assuming you are into catching flies.
用蜂蜜比用醋更好捉蒼蠅, 但其實用垃圾比這兩樣都有效－如你
真的對捉蒼蠅有興趣的話。
If you`re gonna screw up, do it while you are young. Older you get,
harder it is to bounce back.
如果你要有所作為, 最好是趁年輕, 否則年紀大了就很難東山再起了。
When the shit is about to hit the fan, do something－even if it is wrong.
如果大便快要打在電風扇上了, 你就得趕緊想法子, 即使那麼做是
錯的也無妨。
Don`t try to outrun nobody if you`re wearing sandals.
如果你穿著拖鞋, 就別妄想會跑得比別人快。
Never mix water with chocolate.
千萬別把水和巧克力混在一起。
Do not get drunk around strangers.
在陌生人堆裡, 不要喝醉。
If you have to make a choice between a clean mind and clean body, it
oughtn`t to be no contest.
如果你得在「純淨的心」或「潔淨的身體」兩者選擇其一, 那最好
還是不要去比較優劣吧！
