2020-07-31

Berea College

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50551565

The cost of further education is reshaping America. But as tuition prices soar across the country, one university in Kentucky has found a way to cover the costs. There's just one catch - the students have to work for it.

"Scholarships or student loans".

These were the available choices for 18-year-old Sophie Nwaorkoro to cover the costs of university.

A family crisis in her final year of high school derailed option one. She found herself homeless and without the financial support needed to help plug the gaps left from any scholarships.

Option two - taking out loans - would have placed Sophie among millions of her peers who enter adulthood bound to payments on their student loans. Most estimates put total student debt at $1.5tn (£1.2tn) - more than what Americans owe on credit cards. And nearly half of borrowers default on the loans.

Berea CollegeImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH
Image captionBerea College in rural Kentucky

"I wouldn't have risked it," she says. "Debt kind of spelled out the end of my freedom."

Sophie had resigned herself to not continuing her education, until she got a call from Berea College, a small undergraduate university nestled in rural Kentucky.

The representative told Sophie they would cover everything.

"When she told me that I broke down and cried," Sophie recalls. "They just opened up a door that I was really sure had been closed."

Short presentational grey line

Berea College was founded in 1855 by John Fee, a Christian minister and an abolitionist. It was the first integrated, co-educational college in the American South.

Its modern campus sits on the same ridge as the school's original building - now a small constellation of brick buildings and white columns that could be crossed, unhurried, in about 15 minutes.

Since its inception, Berea was meant for students who could not afford college - costs were nominal, and students worked on campus to help support themselves.

Berea CollegeImage copyrightBEREA COLLEGE
Image captionStudents outside Berea's James Residence Hall, built in 1918

And, in 1892, it stopped charging tuition entirely.

"What's unusual about Berea is that for, I'll bet 70% to 80% of our students, this is their only shot at a high-quality educational experience," says Berea President Lyle Roelofs.

More than half of Berea's incoming 2018 class had an expected family contribution of $0. The mean family income of a first-year student is less than $30,000 (£23,000). Around 70% of students are from Appalachia, where around one in five people live below the poverty line.

"We have always realised there are people who need education who can't afford to pay for it," says Mr Roelofs. "The 'how' is much more complicated."

The "how" is twofold.

First, there is Berea's endowment which, as of this year, has ballooned to $1.2bn (£930m), a product of nearly 165 years of growth.

"If you don't have tuition revenue, then you want to have a powerful friend like the American stock market," says Mr Roelofs.

The endowment is effectively safeguarded by the school's commitment to free tuition. A renovation or campus upgrade will only be approved once every student's tuition is assured. Its growth has also been spurred by a particularly prescient vote by Berea's board in 1920, which ensured that any unrestricted bequests - donations left without a specific purpose - would be added to the endowment.

Now, about $60m is withdrawn from the endowment each year to support Berea's operating budget, including tuition.

College studentImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH
Image captionEmily Fannin, 18, at work in the dining hall

The second unique feature at Berea is the labour programme, which requires each student to work on campus for at least 10 hours every week, similar to a federal work-study programme at other US universities.

"At Berea College, no student pays tuition for a high-quality education, but every student works," says Roelofs. "We don't just admit every student, we hire every student."

The jobs are essential to Berea's operation - both the students' labour and a portion of their pay cheque is used to keep the college running.

"It's not the most romantic thing," says Sophie who, in her role in the dining hall, works with "absolutely everybody's trash".

"I know some people might look down on it, but you kind of go in there with a sense that 'I'm doing something that's helping people.'"

And there's an obvious payoff - in 2019, 49% of Berea students graduated with zero debt, even after food, housing and other living expenses. For those that did, they held an average of $6,693 - around one quarter of the national average.

Short presentational grey line

Berea is small, about 1,600 undergraduate students and - for obvious reasons - it doesn't boast many shiny amenities that could be used to sell itself at college fairs.

"We don't add those kinds of appealing features that are just there to attract wealthy students to come," Roelofs says. "You know, a lazy river or a climbing wall contributes almost nothing to the educational experience".

It lacks the name recognition of elite schools scattered throughout the country's coasts, and is only reliably known to those living in surrounding Appalachia.

Berea College President Lyle RoelofsImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH
Image captionRoelofs says Berea "wouldn't be Berea" if it charged

"When I heard about it, it sounded sketchy," Sophie said. "If it were free, then it must be poor quality."

But Berea does not look or feel like a discount university.

The campus is archetypically collegiate. Student life is narrated by church bells, the grounds punctuated by tree-lined quads. It is ensconced within 9,000 acres of the college's own green space, which drifts into hundreds of miles of forest in the Appalachian foothills of eastern Kentucky.

At the school in October, students often made casual reference to their "Berea story", campus shorthand for the challenge or trauma that threatened their chance at college - a common trait among students.

But just as quickly, the conversation turned back to plans for homecoming or upcoming exams. This is perhaps Berea's greatest feat - for its students, daily life is insulated from pending student debt.

Berea CollegeImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH

It is also the most selective school in the state, according to Berea's admission records. Students are accepted on the grounds of both academic performance and financial status.

In 2018, 97% of its incoming class were eligible for Pell grants, a federal grant awarded only to those "who display exceptional financial need".

Many of the students mention Berea's academic rigour, a surprise for some who assumed that "tuition-free" is code for cheapened education.

"You definitely can't come here and slack off," says Sophie.

"I think we're so used to colleges being so expensive that we kind of expect them to be expensive. We dismissed the idea of a college that can be affordable."

Short presentational grey line

The struggle to pay for college is a defining feature of working families in America, says New York University Professor Caitlin Zaloom, who studies the toll of student debt on families. "The escalation in college costs can't go much farther."

The stress carries on long after graduation both for parents and for students, she says. "The debt and the costs orient their lives for years afterwards."

But as going to university increasingly becomes a "moral imperative", a requisite for job stability and upward mobility, government funding for higher education has plummeted.

Berea advertImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH
Image captionAn original advert for Berea boasts free tuition and 8,000 books in its library

Between 2008 and 2017, overall state funding for public two- and four-year colleges fell by nearly $9bn after inflation, according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a non-partisan research group.

These cuts to government funding have been met with steep tuition hikes, effectively pushing American families toward loans.

"The largest lender is the federal government," says Ms Zaloom. "It is very clear that the federal government is expecting its citizens to pay for college with loans. That's the message that families get very, very clearly from day one."

In just the past decade, student debt has more than doubled, jumping from $675bn to today's $1.5tn.

"I think we're really at a breaking point," says Ms Zaloom. "It's simply not morally supportable to require young adults to start their lives in so much debt."

Short presentational grey line

So what should be done about it?

There is broad agreement that university tuition in the US is too expensive, but there is no resulting consensus on the solution. Most American colleges provide a patchwork of scholarships and loans to help lighten the cost.

College student cleaning dishesImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH
Image captionSophie says her role in the dining hall is 'not romantic'

The notion of doing it for all - like Berea - is slowly gaining ground.

New Mexico's state government recently announced plans to make state schools free for all students, regardless of family income, using revenues from the state's booming oil industry. And some leading candidates in the 2020 Democratic race have embraced the concept of free tuition.

But Mr Roelofs thinks "free tuition" can be a fragile tagline when left on its own.

Just declaring college education free is not the answer - it needs to be free and high quality, he says.

For its 1,600 students, Berea's model works. But it has had a 126-year head start.

"In order to really do what Berea does, you have to come up with a pretty big amount of money just to get yourself going," he says. The challenge is then "scaling up".

College student at choir practiceImage copyrightHOLLY HONDERICH
Image captionSophie, at rehearsal with Berea's Black Music Ensemble, calls the college her "saving grace"

Berea's small size and its long-term commitment to growing its endowment for free tuition have given it a sizable lead that other universities may struggle to reproduce.

But Mr Roelofs believes Berea's model can be influential - if state governments provide more funds to the public universities, where 80% of US students attend.

"I do think there could be a Berea in every state," Roelofs says. "There's only one and it's in Kentucky, but in every state there are kids who, you look at them, and you say, 'boy, they deserve a better chance than they're getting'."

For Sophie, that chance was "one in a million".

"If this opportunity were taken away from me, I don't know where I would end up, I don't know what gutter I'd be sitting in," she says. "This school means the world to me."

Now, as a first year student at the school she calls her "unicorn", Sophie is studying physics, singing in a choir and performing beat poetry in a school pageant hosted by the Black Student Union.

After, she hopes to become a doctor - obstetrics and gynaecology - meaning four years of medical school, she says.

"Which, hopefully I'll be able to afford."

2020-07-30

Steve Jobs' last words

A MUST READ!

Steve Jobs' last words
He died a billionaire at 56 yrs due to Pancreatic Cancer and here are his last words on the sick bed:

"I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes my life is an epitome of success.

However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – "Life".

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – "Book of Healthy Life".

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends...

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.

As we grow older, and hence wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30 watch - they both tell the same time...

Whether we carry a $300 or $30 wallet/handbag - the amount of money inside is the same;

Whether we drive a $150,000 car or a $30,000 car, the road and distance is the same, and we get to the same destination.

Whether we drink a bottle of $300 or $10 wine - the hangover is the same;

Whether the house we live in is 300 or 3000 sq ft - loneliness is the same.

You will realize, your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world.

Whether you fly first or economy class, if the plane goes down - you go down with it...

Therefore.. I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth....That is true happiness!!

Five Undeniable Facts of Life :
1. Don't educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price.

2. Best awarded words in London ... "Eat your food as your medicines. Otherwise you have to eat medicines as your food."

3. The One who loves you will never leave you for another because even if there are 100 reasons to give up he or she will find one reason to hold on.

4. There is a big difference between a human being and being human.
Only a few really understand it.

5. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage!

NOTE: If you just want to Walk Fast, Walk Alone! But if you want to Walk Far, Walk Together!

Six Best Doctors in the World
1. Sunlight
2. Rest
3. Exercise
4. Diet
5. Self Confidence and
6. Friends

Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy a healthy life. 💰🛡📊

God loves you!

Credits to: Important Lesson in Life

2020-07-26

Line dance - I am yours


電影《華爾街之狼The Wolf of Wall Street》


SONG - 今日

今日

作詞:林振強
作曲:柳重言
編曲:柳重言

今日事情如不順 今日問題如不盡
像處圈中圈 了斷也了不斷
若今日你倦了頹然哭 容許我送贈暖
准我漫漫長路末端亦如初戀

當日熱情燃不盡 今日熱情仍不盡
就算怎都好 你願我更加願
共跨盡冷及暖甜和酸 才可以算是共存
能共患難才是認真的有緣

抬頭吧 相信愛你便能飛
敢交出你會創出傳奇
變幻人生是避無可避
卻沒人可驅使愛別離
抬頭吧 黑暗過會是晨曦
懷著樂觀總有轉機
今天珍惜今天 逢凝望我心所愛的你
我已彷彿會飛

今日像明日一樣 今日任何日一樣
就算怎辛酸 愛護你我甘願
沒揀擇冷或暖甜和酸 晴天雨季缺或圓
全部受落才是活得真正全

抬頭吧 相信愛你便能飛
敢交出你會創出傳奇
變幻人生是避無可避
卻沒人可驅使愛別離
抬頭吧 黑暗過會是晨曦
懷著樂觀總有轉機
今天珍惜今天 逢凝望我心所愛的你
能翱翔天和地

抬頭吧 相信愛你便能飛
敢交出你會創出傳奇
變幻人生是避無可避
這份情愛卻永不會死
抬頭吧 黑暗過會是晨曦
懷著樂觀總有轉機
今天珍惜今天 逢凝望我心所愛的你
我已彷彿會飛
你眼睛牽我飛


2020-07-25

Line dance - Super star

https://www.copperknob.co.uk/stepsheets/superstar-ID126227.aspx


Positive energy


炎夏的精神食糧


Tea at The Passion






「選擇,成為真實的自己」- 江孟芝

【2019國立臺灣師範大學畢業典禮演講全文】(歡迎分享)
世界或許不會變得更美好,但你一定會變得更勇敢
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
校長、各位老師、樓上的家長、台下的學弟妹們,大家好:
我是江孟芝,師大美術系98級設計組畢業,設計組是現在設計系的前身。我大概五歲的時候就知道這輩子自己要做個藝術家,十五歲的時候我家庭革命,決定高中要念男校、念美術班,十八歲的時候,我大學推甄只填了一所學校,只填了一個系,那就是師大美術系設計組,這是我唯一志願。
今年剛好是我畢業第十年,畢業後的這十年,是我人生最重要的十年,我相信也將是每個人生命中最重要的十年,你的黃金二十歲到三十歲的年華。十年之後,你想成為一個什麼樣子的人呢?
這十年,我領悟到三件重要的事情,第一件事:
你的選擇,決定你是什麼樣的人
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我二十歲的時候,覺得世界是不公平的,為什麼有人從來從來不愁吃穿?為什麼他可以去補十幾萬的習?為什麼他可以買最貴的電腦、手機?為什麼他想要做什麼,家裡都會無限資助他?為什麼有人想出國就可以出國?想要創業就可以創業?只因為他是含著金湯匙出生的。
為什麼我連買顏料的錢、影印作品集的錢、參加展覽的場地費都付不出來?為什麼我必須每天家教,甚至在咖啡廳打工?為什麼我每一餐的飯錢需要斤斤計較?為什麼我要花三年的時間,存一趟到英國自助旅行的旅費?為什麼我的生活這麼困難?為什麼我必須從小承受這些?為什麼?
我大學的時候開始自己賺生活費,大學畢業以後不拿家裡的錢,在台北一邊工作,一邊準備出國,光是支付台北高昂的房租、生活開銷就已經壓得我喘不過氣,僅剩的一點點存款我拿去考托福、買參考書、準備作品集,戶頭裡完全沒有任何的積蓄。
當我在紐約讀研究所的時候,半工半讀,每天吃粥度日,最窮的時候戶頭只剩下35塊美金,我連下一餐、下個學期的學費在哪裡都不知道,更別提那時候我還背負著百萬的留學貸款,每天精神壓力大到睡不著。為什麼有錢小孩可以輕輕鬆鬆出國讀書、四處旅行、逛Outlet、看百老匯?
這些疑問,也曾經在我心裡出現過無數次,我的內心充滿怨恨,我覺得這個世界真是不公平!那些憤世嫉俗,我比任何人都了解。是啊,成功好像是有錢人的專利,別人會成功,只因為他家有錢。你也是這麼想的嗎?
然而,我發現不停抱怨這個世界跟合理化別人的成功,並不會讓我學到任何東西;批評別人不好,也不會讓自己更好,反而讓自己陷入一種負面循環,反正我沒有錢就是不會成功的窠臼。
我不想成為酸民,那不是我想要成為的樣子。台灣並不需要更多的對立了,階級的對立、窮富的對立、政治的對立、世代的對立,我們不需要用對立去分化彼此,讓自己的力量越來越渺小。
亞馬遜創始人貝佐斯Jeff Bezos曾經說過:「 聰明是一種天賦,而善良是一種選擇(Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice.)」,你的選擇,決定你是什麼樣的人。
我選擇了專注在如何讓自己成長、如何讓透過自己的力量解決問題,甚至去欣賞各式各樣的人,與我背景不同的人,用同理取代排斥。
如果我想要學習,就自己去買書來看;如果我想要旅行,就自己家教存錢;如果我想要留學,就申請各式各樣的獎學金;在美國沒有房租、生活費,就嘗試各種管道到處接案子。這種專注,讓我不斷的累積自己,每天有所成長,並且跳脫憤世嫉俗的負面情緒。
這樣的選擇,讓在我紐約研究所畢業後,成功進入美國前500大的公司,並在二十七歲靠一己之力償還了所有的就學貸款,完成了不花家裡一分一毛出國留學的夢想,自此之後我把所有的賺的錢給家人,致力於改善家裡的經濟狀況。
你的出身並不會決定你是一個怎麼樣的人,只有你自己可以決定自己成為誰。
不要怪別人、怪環境、怨天尤人、憤世嫉俗、老是世界對不起你的樣子,無論好事、壞事,每一件事情都是有意義的,這些都會讓你成為更好的人。
世界其實是公平的
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三十歲以後,我發現世界其實是公平的。
以前班上第一名的學霸、身邊最有才華的朋友、家境最富裕的小孩、最早出國留學的同學、年紀輕輕就出國比賽大放異彩的神童......,論背景、論天賦、論人脈,他們的條件都比我好太多、太多了,但是畢業十年以後,有些人離開了相關產業、有些人從事著自己不喜歡的工作、有些人開始抱怨起自己的人生。我有時候在想,他們明明是人生勝利組啊,怎麼變成這樣了呢?我曾經很羨慕他們的資源,但是現在,卻輪到他們羨慕起我的人生。
我二十四歲的時候隻身一人到美國讀書、二十六歲研究所畢業、二十七歲時還清百萬學貸、二十九歲到紐約視覺藝術學院電腦藝術研究所教書、三十歲出版個人自傳。
人生是一場馬拉松,贏在起跑點的人不一定能夠跑到最後。
如果你把人生想成是一百公尺的短跑賽,起跑點輸了大概就沒救了吧,所以有很多人覺得不能輸在起跑點上。但是人生真的很長,它是一場比較意志力的馬拉松,會有很多心裡跟生理上的考驗,跑到最後的人通常不是一開始橫衝直撞的人、也不是東張西望一直注意對手的人,勝利者反而是專注在自己的腳步、呼吸,照自己節奏前進的人。
不管人有錢與否、長相美醜、才華高低,每個人一定會歷經挫折、低潮、被貼標籤,每個人也都會遇到屬於自己的機會、自己愛的人,只有自己才能走的路,其實,世界並不會偏好哪一種人,一切都是公平的。
如果生命給你檸檬,那麼你就做成檸檬汁,每個人的旅程不一樣、風景不一樣,各有各的美,誰也不需要去羨慕誰。去珍惜自己所擁有的一切,做一個善良的人,比當一個酸民快樂很多很多。
不要因為一時的安逸,不敢展翅高飛;不要貪圖立即的金援,而錯失了成長的機會,走一條辛苦的路,絕對會讓你成為更堅強的人。
第二件事:做自己最好的版本,無需跟他人比較
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大約我十九歲、二十歲左右,我開始失眠、吃藥、每天晚上我躺在女一舍的宿舍裡,看著時間從一點、兩點、三點慢慢過去,到了五點我才累到精疲力盡地睡去,這從來不是我想像的美好大學生活:一個默默在棉被裡落淚、連哭都不敢出聲的憂鬱女子。
表面上,我的大學生活看似非常成功,我的履歷非常漂亮,隨便一列就是二、三十項的設計獎項、擔任懸河社社長、參加各式各樣的營隊、論壇、展覽,獲得師大優秀學生獎學金、畢業的時候得到系展第二名、學校永久典藏獎。一切看似非常光鮮亮麗,但是大學卻是我人生最不快樂的時期。
我渴望這個世界能夠認可我,我希望每位長輩、朋友能夠喜歡我,於是我開始參加各式各樣的比賽,做老師心中的好學生,我一心一意追逐名次、在意排名、計較分數,我好希望可以趕快成功,讓這個世界能夠看見我。我想要討好任何人,卻在別人的眼光裡載浮載沉,反而失去了自己,變成了一個自己完全不喜歡的模樣。
憂鬱症自此糾纏了我六年,一直到我工作、出國、研究所畢業。
生命不會總是像我們期待的一樣,那麼美好,我大學畢業之後,沒有鵬程萬里、金榜題名、康莊大道那種形容詞。在我2009年畢業前夕,遭遇全球金融海嘯,一系之間全台灣的人不是失業,就是放無薪假,政府的22K政策就是從我那一屆開始的,十年過去了,台灣的薪資依然原地踏步,22K依然是現在大學新鮮人工作最深的挫折,也是台灣人才外流最大的推力。台灣長期低薪的就業環境,你準備好了嗎?
或許,你還沒有要就業,正在準備著教甄。當許多師大的同學、學弟妹們考上難得釋出的職缺,當上正式的老師,會遇到台灣更嚴重的教育問題,像是因為行政工作無法好好教書、因為教育評鑑而沒日沒夜地忙到三更半夜,或是因為招生壓力,頻頻宣傳學生的成績、獎牌、榮耀......,然後我這樣的孩子就被製造出來了,因為學校需要、家長需要,而老師就必須配合,學生就必須迎合,我們製造了一個非常病態的社會,但是又佯裝著自己沒有病,炫耀著自己的豐功偉業,如此循環著。
在我的書裡,我自創了一個詞「神豬美學」,指的是神豬越胖,對神明越有敬意,哪怕身心都遭到極大的扭曲。其實,我們小孩跟大人都像是追求神豬美學的一頭豬,被迫吸收知識去參加考試,分數越高,越值得嘉許,人的成績宛如豬的重量,決定了人生的一切……
我決定停止這種無限追逐的戲碼,年輕時比較成績,出社會後比較年收入、比較誰的車子貴、誰又比較早買房、比較誰能早點把自己嫁出去、誰又可以趕快生孩子,生完孩子還不夠,你又開始比較下一代的成績是誰家的比較好。大家拼命地想要成為「比別人好」的人,無論到幾歲,人永遠比不完,痛苦永遠存在。
心理學大師阿德勒說:「你不是為了滿足他人的期待而活,而別人也不是為了滿足你的期待而活。」不要在意他人的評價,也無須尋求他人的認同,去思考、去接納自己原生的樣貌,你唯一需要取悅的人,就是自己。
於是,我開始接受真實的自己,不再為了滿足比賽評審、客戶要求、社會期待,讓我第一次感受到自我的存在,我甚至讓我的缺點被看見,說出憂鬱症的過去,因為我不想要盲目地活在社群軟體的美好泡泡裡,我想要以真實、正確的距離去理解別人,以及自己本身。
我不是要做世界上最漂亮、最成功、最偉大的人,我只想要做自己最好的版本,因此在紐約我拋開了從小到大的包袱,創作我對語言的恐懼與挫折。這種毫不隱藏自己的灑脫,反而讓我的作品獲得全球各個設計大獎的青睞,開始到世界各地參加展覽、頒獎典禮以及國際研討會,這是我以前怎麼討好別人、迎合他人,都追求不來的結果。
日本建築大師安藤忠雄曾說:「追隨多數必然迷失自己。唯一能做的,就是繼續自己想做的事,活出自己。」當你學會接受自己,世界就會開始認同你、傾聽你,並且回應你誠實的感受。
親愛的學弟妹,你就是你自己最好的樣子,無需跟別人比較,只要你努力過,任何名次就是最好的名次,任何結果就是最好的結果。請不要被社會的功利主義所綁架,深信每一次盡自己最大的努力,不論成績高低,都值得你驕傲。
第三件事:世界或許不會變得更美好,但你一定會變得更勇敢
 ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄
這個社會並不一定盡如人意,世界也不會因為你此時此刻畢業,突然之間天下太平、如花似錦,你可能跟我一樣,會遇到全球金融海嘯、罹患憂鬱症、遭逢家人突如其來的意外、背負沈重的貸款、崩潰大哭的時刻,你可能會深深陷入人生的低潮,不知道應該何去何從。
我很喜歡的一句話:「人生就像茶葉蛋一樣,有裂痕才入味。」試著去擁抱生命中的裂痕,去欣賞自己的缺點,那是別人無法複製的雋永味道,也是一個只有你自己才能烹飪的人生佳餚。
唯有經歷過,你才會成長,人生才會豐富。人的潛力有無限可能,一旦吃別人所不能吃的苦,做別人所不能做的事,就能享受別人所不能享受的一切。
各位同學,
第一、選擇自己想要成為的人,不要被負面情緒所淹沒;
第二、跟自己比較,欣賞真實的自己,不要再去迎合世俗的眼光;
第三、試著去擁抱生命中的不公平、不完美、不圓滿,盡自己的微薄之力填補在社會角落的陰晴圓缺,選擇做一個善良的人、願意幫助別人的人。
祝福 2019 畢業的所有同學,做自己最好的版本,世界或許不會變得更美好,但你一定會變得更勇敢、更堅強、更無所畏懼。
畢業快樂,謝謝大家!
(歡迎分享)
#短標題是「選擇,成為真實的自己」

真心話

1. 很抱歉,這個社會就是不公平

年輕時的我們,看什麼都能看到不公的一面。憤世嫉俗的同時,也為自己的坎坷找一點心理的慰藉。可真的,社會本來就不公平,有人不僅比你美貌英俊,還比你有才華、有財富、有地位、有成就。認清這一點,之後的每一次收穫也就成了饋贈。

2. 真心不一定能換回真心

以前的我,覺得信任一定能換來不被辜負,真心可以換來感同身受。在一次次傷心後漸漸明白,在很多人看來,你永遠戴了另一張面具。所以,付出過的就付出了,不要太在意。對別人好就好了,不要期待別人的感恩和同等的回饋。

3. 做自己吧,不要在意別人的評價

無論你懷著多大的善意,仍會遭遇惡意;無論你抱有多深的真誠,仍會遭到懷疑;無論你呈現多少柔軟,仍要面對刻薄;無論你多麼安靜地只做你自己,仍會有人按照他們的期待要求你;無論你多麼勇敢地敞開自己,仍有人虛飾一個他看到的你。

4. 比智商和努力更重要的,是情商

25 歲以前,恃才而驕,覺得自己聰明又努力,做什麼都一定能成功。25 歲之後發現,如果你學不會聰明地做人,學不會控制自己的脾氣和衝動,學不會如何給人留下好印象,那麼你會進步得非常艱難。

5. 學會不解釋

無論是不是受了委屈,都不要著急解釋,沒有什麼比結果更能讓人信服的。

6. 努力不是什麼值得驕傲的事情

你再努力,沒有做出成績,也不要一臉驕傲地拿出去企圖獲得人們的認同。若別人輕鬆做到的是你大費周章仍未做到的,那只會更證明你的無能罷了。

7. 沒有什麼人理所當然要幫你

對所有給予你方便的人表示感謝,因為真的沒有人必須幫你。而即使你曾經幫過別人,也別要求別人下一次必須幫你。只有等價的交換,才能得到合理的幫助。

8. 心軟不是善良,是沒原則沒底線

不要做那個能原諒工作紕漏和體諒各種客觀原因的人,你的沒有原則會使得對方的底線不斷降低。一旦你發現情況愈來愈糟,意識到需要按照正常標準去要求對方時,他們反而會覺得是你不可理喻。

9. 工作上交朋友,是一件需要運氣和技巧的事

不要為了同事和自己之間始終隔了層紗而難過,不要鬱悶為什麼表面友好的同事背地裡居然踩了自己一腳,不要對工作上的任何友情抱有過高的期望,因為,只需一點利益就能讓你們兵戎相見。

10. 最好的資源永遠是勢均力敵

如果你不夠優秀,你的人脈大多是不值錢的。留個電話加個微信,到最後可能只是換來個友善的表情。好的人脈不是追求來的,而是吸引來的。所以不要再說你認識誰誰誰,認識不具有任何意義。

11. 不企圖改變任何人

不要企圖改變任何人的思想或行為,即使是親近的人亦如此。尤其對於那些固執地活在自己幻想的小世界裡的人,千萬不要試圖去說服他們或推翻他們,那就等同於往茅坑裡扔炸彈,會濺得你一身不舒適。

12. 不再隨意質疑他人的能力

如果有人能坐到比你高的位置,那他一定起碼有一個方面比你強。而你條件反射般的質疑和揣測,其實也暴露了自己的齷齪。

生活和身體

13. 照顧身體,它不那麼年輕了

25 歲開始,不洗臉就睡覺,第二天皮膚照樣緊繃光滑將成為天方夜譚。不吃早餐,失眠熬夜,三餐不定時,醉酒泡吧,冬天露腿,你的身體會頻頻發出報警,提醒你,它不太能受得起折騰了。

14. 捨得花錢

買令你愉悅的東西。買一件喜歡的東西,去一個嚮往的地方,吃一頓可口的飯菜,錢不一定花在別人看得見的地方,但它們帶來的是實實在在的開心,可以熨平生活的褶皺。

15. 好好賺錢,好好存錢

既然要好好花錢,那當然要好好賺錢,理想都要建立在麵包的基礎上,才可能實現。千萬別覺得才畢業沒多久,可以先慢慢體驗生活,別以為賺錢是以後的事。

16. 穿得體的衣服,尤其是貼身的衣服

不再去電商買各種各樣廉價的衣服,尤其是內衣一定要舒適。永遠要有一套貴的、可以在任何時候出席任何場合,都不會讓你感到怯場的衣服。質感好的得體衣服,會為自己帶來自信。

17. 跟懂得生活的人交朋友

25 歲之前,認為每次出門都要裝扮自己半小時以上,吃飯要用最美的桌巾的人做作,而嗤之以鼻。
事實上,他們能教會你如何過好任何一個平凡的日子。你可以不會寫詩,但可以把生活過得像一首詩。

18. 珍惜身邊的人

不斷地經歷生老病死,明白多看一眼都可能是最後一眼,多陪一天可能是最後一天。下輩子,無論愛與不愛,都不會再與你的愛人和父母相遇。

19. 管理好自己的身材

沒人會繼續說你的肥胖是可愛,你可以選擇瘋狂地吃自己愛吃的食物,但你也得學會如何控制你的體重到不厭惡自己的地步。同時不要過度地追求瘦,你會因為內分泌失調而追悔莫及。

20. 家,比房子重要

25 歲之前,覺得買房是天方夜譚,告訴自己才不要做房奴;25 歲後被搬家折磨到心力交瘁,開始時不時想要擁有個穩定的住所。但一個被自己用心布置的溫馨的家,永遠比一個房子更重要。

21. 真正的感情,沒有距離

那些常說我們住得很近啊,下次來找你玩的人,往往後來還是見不到面的。用距離來衡量的情意,哪怕隔著一條街道,也是千山萬水。

22. 沒有誰離不開誰

無論是誰,不管你們曾經多麼親密,只要他(她)想消失在你的生活裡,往往輕而易舉。

人生和自我

23. 選擇三觀一致的朋友

朋友不在多,在於能否讓你感到舒適。而舒適的前提,就是價值觀相同。如果一個朋友在你成功時仍為你由衷地感到高興,務必珍惜。
任何人都可以對朋友的不幸感到同情,而要接受一個春風得意的朋友,則需要非常優良的天性。

24. 沒有什麼是被逼的

唉,都是被逼的呀,都是沒辦法的呀,常常是我們面對不喜歡的生活和現狀時的無奈嘆息。後來明白,沒有什麼是被逼的,都是可以選擇的,只要你願意付出代價。

25. 追求自由和細水長流並不衝突

25 歲之前覺得,自由就是可以做自己想做的事。25 歲之後明白,真正的自由是可以不做自己不想做的事。追求自由和細水長流並不矛盾,你要相信緩慢、平和的力量,要踏實,要冷靜。

26. 不能成為自己鄙視的人

身邊有太多誘惑與太多黑暗,可是哪怕身在糞坑,你也不能大口大口地吃屎。蜜雪兒.歐巴馬的一句話我特別喜歡:When they go low, we go high。

27. 好好看書,好好閱讀

為什麼要堅持閱讀?它到底有什麼用?我不記得小時候吃過哪些東西了,但我確信正是它們成了我的骨我的血,讓我長成現在的樣子。也許很多事情努力與收穫不成正比,但閱讀應該是唯一一件只要你付出就會有收穫的事情。

28. 相信愛情

無論到什麼年紀,受過多少次欺騙,心被傷得有多深,要始終相信,會有一個人,他愛你。

29. 沒有什麼婚姻關係是一定長久的

相信愛情,但是不要覺得婚姻是必須長久的。責任這個東西是需要呵護的。你們之間畢竟沒有任何血緣關係,愛是會被瑣碎慢慢消耗的。

30. 理解出軌,但不原諒

不再會對出軌的事情義憤填膺,怒火中燒。再怎麼說一輩子只和一個人睡覺,本來就已經是很難能可貴的事了。因此身體出軌並不是不可理解,但是我仍然不選擇原諒。

31. 好的心態比什麼都重要

曾經以為愈是在糟糕的時候,愈要抓緊時間去想辦法解決問題。其實在這種時候,不如調整好自己的心態,試想在最壞的情況下自己能不能接受。既然最壞的都能接受,那又有什麼好怕的呢?!有的時候,慢就是快。

32. 你永遠都會迷茫,會低潮

誰也無法預知人生的每個低潮期有多長,但確知的是,在每個低潮期該做的最重要的一件事是:不要有拋下一切去××的念頭。要多讀書、節制飲食、陪伴家人、早點睡覺、盡力做好手上還在做的事,你會好的。一定會好的。

(本文整理、摘錄自《你以為的懷才不遇只是懷才不足而已》,今周刊出版)

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