Newton's Laws of Accounting
1. For every accountant, there is equal and opposite accountant.
2. Both of them are wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~
10 out of 9 accountants can't count.
The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:1. Don't tell them everything you know.
What does an internal auditor do to liven up an office party?Not show up.
Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burnt his office down trying to cook the books.
What disease kills more accountants than any other?TB.
What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?A late night.
A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "What shall I do?"
"Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor.
"Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?"
"No," replied the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."
An accountant was having difficulty trying to sleep and went to the dcotor.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" asked the doctor.
"That's the problem," replied the accountant. "I make a mistake and then spend 6 hours trying to find it".
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
What do you call an auditor who doesn't have an opinion?
I've no idea.
What do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch, takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and leaves every night after 10pm?Work shy and a skiver.
Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical? They have strong Internal Controls.
What do you call an accountant who can't account?An ant.
What do you call an accountant who can't count?An acant.
Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like a serious case of double entry."
http://www.the-alternative-accountant.com/accountant-jokes.html
1. For every accountant, there is equal and opposite accountant.
2. Both of them are wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~
10 out of 9 accountants can't count.
The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:1. Don't tell them everything you know.
What does an internal auditor do to liven up an office party?Not show up.
Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burnt his office down trying to cook the books.
What disease kills more accountants than any other?TB.
What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?A late night.
A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "What shall I do?"
"Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor.
"Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?"
"No," replied the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."
An accountant was having difficulty trying to sleep and went to the dcotor.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" asked the doctor.
"That's the problem," replied the accountant. "I make a mistake and then spend 6 hours trying to find it".
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
What do you call an auditor who doesn't have an opinion?
I've no idea.
What do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch, takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and leaves every night after 10pm?Work shy and a skiver.
Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical? They have strong Internal Controls.
What do you call an accountant who can't account?An ant.
What do you call an accountant who can't count?An acant.
Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like a serious case of double entry."
http://www.the-alternative-accountant.com/accountant-jokes.html
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