10. Updated his resume
9. Treated himself to piece of first lady's carob-flavored kelp loaf birthday cake
8. Asked for an iPad, let Republicans negotiate him down to a wad of gum
7. Pizza and video games at Washington kids' restaurant 'Chuck E. Schumer's'
6. Asked for any cash gifts to be in Canadian dollars
5. Sent 82nd Airborne on In-N-Out Burger run
4. Invited fun costumed characters
3. 'Shark Week' and two pints of Chubby Hubby
2. Got a fabulous makeover from Michele O'Bachmann's husband
1. Forged a Kenyan birth certificate to get him out of this miserable job
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